Momma's New Groove: How I Decided to Become a Stay at Home Mom

You know that feeling, when you're just "in a groove?"

Life is going smoothly,
each day starts and ends with a smile,
you feel content
and blessed
and happy.

That was how I felt for most of the summer.  I was in a groove. 

Although there were moments that made me want to pull my hair out, I loved being home with my boys.  We had a great routine established; one that included plenty of time for playing and cuddling.

As the summer came to a close, I started to get very anxious about returning to work.  But I told myself to "put on my big girl panties" and get over it (or maybe that was a coworker who told me that.)  LOTS of mommies work, and many, many women deal with the same struggles that I dealt with as a working mom.  Plus, I only teach part time, so I should count my blessings, right?

Then, the week before school started, I got my daycare contract.  I love my in-home childcare provider - seriously, love her.  But stupid me, I had never actually added up how much it would cost for TWO boys instead of one.  And when I compared those numbers to my paycheck, it was depressing.  Really depressing.

And on the teachers' first day back, I was miserable.  I just kept thinking, "Why am I here?  Why am I away from my boys?"  I like teaching, I really do, but I like being with my boys more.  I racked my brain trying to think of a way that working part time really benefited me or my family.  Of course, there were some small benefits, but none of them seemed worth it.

By noon that first day, I was talking to my principal about it.  She was very understanding - she had stayed home when her boys were little, too.  I went home and talked to my husband, family, some close friends, and God, and woke up the next morning absolutely sure that I needed to resign. 

So, the day before school started, I submitted my resignation.

The timing was terribly awkward, and really unheard of around here.  My contract (and conscience) said that I had to stay until a suitable replacement was found and after the school board meeting Wednesday night, the search for a new TAG teacher can officially begin.

It's really a bittersweet time for me.  I have been teaching as I normally would, and there have definitely been moments of joy at school.  Like I said, I like teaching.  I will miss my students, their families, my coworkers, and the community I've come to know over the past few years. 

But I can. not. wait. to get back into the groove.